ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
