I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
