Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
