Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
