Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
