just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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