You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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