You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
