This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
