no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize