Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
