mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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