after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
try to milk me bitch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
