I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
