just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
