Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
