i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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