Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
