I hate all girls vehemently.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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