It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
