Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
