Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
