im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
