Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We smell like vodka and hangover
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