She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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