Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
