Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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