proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
