I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
