My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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