i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
