I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
