I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
