He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize