I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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