I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.