Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup