this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
