i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
