thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
