Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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