grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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