I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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