I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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