I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
