I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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