when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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