margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
