Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
