So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
