I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
