I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
