dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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