I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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