I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize