I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
