My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
