Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He shit in the fireplace
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