my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Randomize
