This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
