I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize