Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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