Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
