...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
