I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
as a side note pls kill me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
