My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
