I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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