I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
